The Struggle Within

Reaching out for something you've got to feel
While clutching to what you had thought was real

Kicking at a dead horse pleases you
No way of showing your gratitude
So many things you don't want to do
What is it? what have you got to lose

What the hell (What the hell)
What is you think you're gonna find?
Hypocrite (Hypocrite)
Boredom sets into the boring mind

Struggle within it suits you fine
Struggle within your ruin
Struggle within you seal your own coffin
Struggle within the struggling within

Home is not a home it becomes a hell
Turning it into your prison cell
Advantages are taken, not handed out
While you struggle inside your hell

Reaching out (reaching out)
Grabbing for something tou've got to feel
Closing in (closing in)
The pressure upon you is so real

Struggle within it suits you fine
Struggle within your ruin
Struggle within you seal your own coffin
Struggle within the struggling within

Reaching out for something you've got to feel
While clutching to what you had thought was real

What the hell (what the hell)
What is you think you're gonna find
Hypocrite (hypocrite)
Boredom sets into the boring mind

Struggle within it suits you fine
Struggle within your ruin
Struggle within you seal your own coffin
Struggle within the struggling within
~The Struggle Within~Metallica~The Black Album

So i have officially decided that this is the third best Metallica song ever. First is "Enter Sandman", second is "One", which is ironicly enough number four on the ...And Justice For All cd. Anyway. Just read the comment, Kansas, and thats a pretty good idea. And as soon as i get time i swear i'll read your stories. I should have time tomorrow in class. i'll read them there. And I think i might do the mail thing, where you were talking about mailing them to yourself. Pretty good idea. I might do it. Thats of course after i get the story done. I recently had to redo the entire story because as one of my friends Nathaniel pointed out, the title I had didnt fit. And then the change of the title led to story alterations and then the discovery of the Copper Ridge stuff made the story even better and now the sotry line has changed dramatically. And so the title of the book is From Ebony to Ivory, just so ya can look for it there Kansas. So like when it gets published be shure to look for it. And as for the meaning of the song, as posted above, is....i dont know. I had a reason but i forgotteded it. whoops. I know there was a reason though. Oh wow. So you the crazies in CMS? now they're watching Family Guy on the computer and i keep hearing Peter say something about Spider Man. Oh so Ghost Hunters is on tonight. I might watch it,I gotta also find the rerun of last night SVU cuz i forgot to watch it. I slept. BUt its on Sunday, May 4 at 10 on NBC. SOmone remind me to watch it. Lol. and speakin gof SVU, helen gave me her season five, i think, because she never watches it and figured i'd get more use out of it than McKays. Itd sit on a shelf and rot. God I'm having issues again. This stupid brace! And omigah, Keyboarding was HELL with this brace. My top was like 40 when normally 60. the bell just rang. shit. we're leaving in like 5 minutes. I'll post this. Bye.

~KAyy

SO.......

you are going to have to forgive me. I hurt my wrist yesterday and I have to wear a brace on my left arm and its really hard to type. though im faster if i type one handed instead of just trying to type with both. lol. ooohhhh!!!!!!!! my favorite song in the entire world just came on my ipod!!! oh yayness! It's Enter Sandman by Metallica. I've known everyword to this song since i was like 5! i love it!!!!! dude. Metallica kicks ass. James Hetfields amazing. So, I read my comments earlier adn discovered a very good suggestion, made by Kansas, to post my stories up as drafts on blogs. Well theres a slight problem with that. I have major paranoia that someone will steal my stories before i get it published so if i talk to you about the basis of my stories i must really trust you and if you get to actually read them, then i would trust you with my life. so. but it was a good idea, though, Kansas. Just too much paranoia for me. Dude this songs amazing. ugh, yahoo mails being a gaytard. OOH! speaking of gaytard--ROTCy! i know most say this is mean or bad to say, i've even heard it was unpatriotic. BUt i absolutely hate that uniform i have to wear for ROTC. and finally! the last time i have to wear it is May 1!!!!!!!!!! Okay so i'm killing Yahoo. Like officially. oh so speaking of killing people. Beth got the shit smacked out of her this morning. she was talking yesterday about how she "rededicated her life to the Lord" and all this and yeah, im happy for her and everything, but then she turns around and starts the bad cussing thing where everything every two seconds is something MTV would even frown upon. okay? (omigod. nsync just came on my ipod. oh jesus.) and then so this morning she was apparently doing that again and said "fuck" and Sarah slapped the crap out of her! it was great! and , ooh, now its break stuff by limp bizkit. theyre pretty good too. BEtter than nsync anyway, haha. Dude so Kaila is like officially my bestestestestestestestestestestest friend ever! (sorry helen, but you're the bestestestestestestestestestest friend, just one below Ka-ia) So i had this like 30 page mix cd list that i wanted. ANd of course i cut it down to like five pages, from removing what i already had and things that i didnt like anymore and i gave Kaila cds and she made me the cds!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!! except, im filling up another list for her. hehe. And of course i told her take her time, itd be perfectly fine if she didnt have them all done before my birthday in JUly. and shes already made me Mix Cds A-I! haha. Okay so i ave decided that today hasnt been a good day at all. like at all. first this whole brace issue, which technically started last night then this morning i got in trouble because i pushed leann and as of right now i cant go to Helens party and that sucks. but im going to try to explain to mom i have to go to helens last birthday party. and i have to wear my jacket because if i roll the sleeves up like i normally do, you see the brace and it looks funny. i might roll them up in ROTC because i know in there im not the only kid with something funky wrong with their wrist because Long broke his wrist or somwthing like that so hes in a cast. and i can hear the jokes about how i copied him or somethign and im ready to slap beth if she says one thing wrong to me and itll hurt like hell too because of the brace. and im sick of everything going wrong, and im sick of people not saying what they want to say when they want to say it and i want to punch a wall or something and ill do it i swear i will but if i do i could possibly break my hand because of the brace but thats just a yay there too. and seriously can people be any dumber? i mean seriously? when you want to do somsthing when you want to say something just fucking do/say it! i mean what the hell are you waiting for? lightening to strike you as a sign to tell you what i've been trying to tell you all along? Let me tell you something, buddy, thats not going to happen! okay? and another thing, how come I'm always blamed for something? leann runs into the pole liek the dumbass she is, goes crying and automatically, before anythings said i hear "KAYLA! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" how come everything is automaticlaly my fault?
i didnt do shit and its my fault. Leann and Chelsie can do whatever the hell they please, i ask to do something and get yelled at! but maybe thats part of it, maybe they just sneak around to doing something and just happen to get away with it. maybe thats it. and i finally gave in and rolled my sleeves up. right now i dont give a fuck what anyone thinks which is how it should be anyway but is it ever? no. Society rules over all in the end. someone should tell society to go to hell because they're not always right. as a matter of fact, most of the time, society is dead wrong. or they're trying to make everybody into clones of one another. I mean look around! the "hottest trends" is what everyone goes by. i mean its like were all just a bunch of fucking plastics. and i know this is a huge rant and i didnt warn you about it but i didnt think it'd turn around into a rant. and im just going to shut up and retreat to the land of GEorge.