Monday, April 14, 2008

Well then......

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now, hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
Time won't tell
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

~Faint~Linkin Park~


So Mucho Thanks to HElen for putting up a guest blog. And Mucho Thanks to Kansas for the Music HElp and for the comments on "Adeventure?"! See but the problems with just going is the seven months in juvie for "running away" (or i would be in Japan by now) and then the fact that i have no legal means of trnsportation yet. Or else believe me, I'd be gone. And if I could, I'd be in Japan by now too. What? You dont know about Japan? Oh really..... okay so....a friend of mine (k so a little bit more than a friend, bite me.)....James offered to take me on a trip with him. And I told him i wanted to go to Japan. Why Japan? I dont know, the school was hosting a contest for people to go to Japan and I said I wanted to go to Japan so theres Japan. And thats been the inside joke for the past, what?, month. month and a half. SOmething like that. SO whenever im sick of the house or parents, you say your ready for Japan. And in all reality, if i could go to Japan with James, I swear i would go. LIke if it came down to meeting the real Edward Cullen and being with Edward forever, and going to Japan with James for a day, then Tokyo here I come! (Tokyo is in Japan, right?) Yeah pathetic, but get over it. WHo said life was perfect. Oh and speaking about life being shitty, I have no cell phone again. And then i got pissed so i threw the phone at the wall. And then punched the wall and now my hand hurts. Oh and speaking of hands, my flight commander in ROTC broke his hand. How? I dont know, but Sheldon broke his hand. Haha to him. And speaking of ROTC, BETH. So i havent informed you of the latest drama with her. Lets get play a little game of Catch Up so you are well informed..
Friday during class, about halfway through, she passes me a note. See below.
Beth: R U Mad at Me?
Me: No Never
Beth: What'd i do?
ME: Same thing You always do
Beth: What do i do?
Me: You're being a hypocritical whore looking for attention
Then she dramatically huffs and puff as she balls up the piece of paper and she LEAVES SCHOOL i pissed her off so bad. Hahahahahahahaha. And to make it better, i'm causing problems between her and her boyfriend Tim. So Tim goes to Powell and come sto KHS for Byington classes. And i started a rumor at Powell that Beth was cheating on him, and then told everyone at Karns, Tim was cheating on her. Which turned out to be true. haha. And so she was pissed at that when the note occured so haha i win. and then this morning, when i walked past her classroom she gave me this evil stare. It was amazing. hha.
Oh and i lost my binder this morning, so that sucks. I left it outside then havent seen it since. Helens textin everyone for me to see if someone grabbed it. And Sarah's looking for it too. So yeah.
And what sucks even more is i think im sick. either that or my allergies are acting up really bad. Either way it sucks. And i think i've gone mentally insane. I keep seeing things. Like last night, i wa strying to go to sleep and i kept seeing really flashy lights, like s strobe light on high. It was weird. then today. I keep seeing colors oout of the corner of my eyes. Like my white Hollister jacket looks purple right now. And this morning it looked pink. yeah weird. And then for some really odd reason i keep seeing my house on fire. Its WEIRD. And this morning, omigah. Apparently mom woke me up at 6. And i sat up and yelled at her. Then I went back to sleep and didnt wake up until 6:50 where she scremaed and yelled at me. ANd i thought i had already gotten up and showered. and for some reason, i wanted to tell her its okay, i wrote my poem. I'm like wtf? Does zyrtec do that to your brain, i dont think so! And now im looking at this optical illusions on brainbashers.com and whoa, its tripptacular. And most of them just confirm my "insane" suspcions. ahhh! oksy fo sho go to this. its amazing. wowzers....its giving me a headache. thank god. only fifteen more minutes in this godforsaken class. UGH!!!!! i just realized i have PT next!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK! I dont want PT! and this song is depressing. I love it though. It's posted below. And i have to ride home to Mimi's and i dont want to do that! that means I have to sit with BEth! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And i cant work on From Ebony to Ivory or anything because i lost my binder! this day just gets worse and worse huh? And Lets see now is "Fathers Son" by 3 Doors Down. Pretty good. Not the best song ever. I say thats "Say ANything" well best thats played this class period. ugh! Okay I am off to read these puzzzles on brainbashers.com
enjoy my song below

Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silences on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now (right now ) all I feel (all I feel) is the pain of fighting starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that time changes,
best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through
So here we are again the same old argument
Now I'm wondering if things will ever change
When will you laugh again,
laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3 am,
And the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

Down, down,down...

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Don't say a word, (Please don't leave...)
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away, (Please don't leave...)
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
~Say Anything~Good Charlotte~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are quite welcome for the music suggestions, what think ye of them?
To spend the seven months in Juvie you have to get caught first, and I wouldn't get caught, and there are more than cars to help you get around.
Japan, nice choice, I'd go for Russia, or something south of Japan, but that's me.
And, with the whole sick of your parents and house thing, I was that way really bad last year, I really didn't like them at all, but since I've started being around the house more often and helpng, just doing as I'm told, and whatever needs to be done, I am getting along with them better. I guess it's like if you treat them well, and respect them, controll your anger, and other stuff like that they'll have a heightened respect for you , and you'll all benefit from it, seriously, as bad as it sounds, try it for a week or so, see what happens.
Dorry you're feeling sick, try getting some more sleep, go to bed earlier or something.

For Now,
Rexpennae Kansas